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DEF-initely a Strange Trip to the Mall

I recently made my yearly Christmas shopping trip to the mall.  This gave me a chance to experience the sights, sounds and smells of the season.On the way to the mall, I saw a big-honking, SUV with an...

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Buttheads, Buffoons and Bitches That Made 2012 Special

This year would have been much better if I had not encountered a series of idiots, morons and buffoons.  So I’ve decided to dedicate the last blog post of the year to the people who fizzed me off the...

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The Smoking Hot Exemption Rule

You know the BCS title football game was super boring when the big story the next day was about the comments that announcer Brent Musburger made about Katherine Webb (girlfriend of the Alabama...

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Desperately Seeking a Smaller Booty

Yes it’s that time of year when you look in the full-length mirror and exclaim: “Whoa, my butt is way too big! How the hell did that happen?”Of course this happened because you ate lots of every food...

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I'm Russian Away From These Women!

Last week I received a very disturbing e-mail at work.  The description read: “Russian Prostitutes Want To Make You Cune”.  I thought I had received this in error, until later in the day when I...

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The Retired Pope Should Go Fishing

Pope Benedict XVI (what happens when the get to XXX?) is retiring in a few days and because this is the first pope to retire in 600 years, many people have questions. And my readers are sending these...

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I Have Finally Changed My Underwear

We live in a time of great innovations. Over the last decade we have seen MP3 players, tablets, smart phones and big screen televisions, etc. But in my opinion the greatest recent creation has been...

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I Am Pit Bull - So Don’t Stop My Party

A couple of my friends dealt with mid-life crises by buying very expensive, red, convertibles.  I am going through my own mid-life crisis but it could take me a long time just to get into one of those...

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Visit the Paint Store If You Desire 50 Shades of Grey

You would think by now I would be an expert in communicating with women, but recently I have had several strange conversations that ended with ladies becoming upset and disappointed. For example:-...

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A Tribute To Tim Richardson

My brother-in-law Tim Richardson (age 47) passed away very unexpectedly on April 2.  The following are the series of my Facebook postings surrounding the event.  I know they don’t belong on a humor...

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Have Cleveland Browns Fans Been Screwed Again?

Cleveland Browns fans are very worried over recent events at the Flying J Corporation which is owned by team owner Jimmy Haslam.  Everyone is concerned about just how much trouble this is going to...

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The Straight Poop On The Amish

Recently over 100 Amish people in Ohio protested a law that required all new houses to be equipped with modern wells and septic systems.  At first I supported the Amish on this since I thought the...

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I Dated Taylor Swift (and she wrote a song about it)

Recently I had the awesome experience of dating Taylor Swift.  Now you might wonder how I attracted the affection of Ms. Swift, but I was wearing my $230 designer Pit Bull sunglasses and chicks just...

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You Can Lose It All – If You Don’t Play The Lottery

It’s been a couple weeks since American’s last bout of lottery mania.  Strangely enough, the big $590 million winner has not yet come forward.  I think he is busy planning the day when he turns in his...

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Steroids Are Legal In This League

A fictional tale ….In 2013, Major League Baseball responded to its latest steroid scandal by finally decided to get tough and enacted a lifetime ban on all players who were found to be using...

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Don’t Let Just Anybody Cut In Line

As I warned, the winner of the $590 million Mega Millions lottery prize was an 84 year-old Florida woman.  This is just not right.  There is a minimum age to play the lottery; they need a maximum age...

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This Sex-Ed Was “Old School” and Effective!

Recently there was an article in the local newspaper on the declining teen birth rate in Ohio (for you younger readers, a “newspaper” is a collection of Internet news articles printed out together on...

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She’s Always A Woman To Me

Often my co-worker Tom will let out a loud sigh which is followed by one of the following questions. “Why is she doing that?”, “Can you believe she made that decision given the alternatives?”, “Why...

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The Sanibel Vacation Chronicles – Part 1

This week I am vacationing on beautiful Sanibel Island, Florida.  The goal of the vacation is to total recharge, refresh and rejuvenate and to forget about work, worries, blogging and any other crap...

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The Sanibel Vacation Chronicles – Part 2

The Brain Rejuvenation ContinuesThis morning I took a four mile walk on the beach and thought about …. absolutely nothing.  On previous vacations these morning walks were used to do heavy thinking...

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