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You Cannot Put A Value On Fine Art
The “art world” is a very peculiar place. For example, I just read that an “abstract” painting consisting of “a canvas painted blue with a white line” sold for almost $44 million last year.Sold for...
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Do Not Blame Squirrels For Power Outages
Recently I saw a disturbing headline: Squirrel blamed for $300K damage to Indiana building. This follows a story last year which claimed that squirrels were responsible for more than 50 power...
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Absolutely Nothing Important Happened Last Weekend
I was planning to be informed of news and happenings during my recent three-day mini-vacation by way of my I-Pad. I was pleased to learn that our older, beach hotel did have free Wi-Fi so I logged on...
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Why Owls Are Better Than Viagra
I was busy working away at my computer in my home office early on a Tuesday, when suddenly …Rat-tat-tat Rat-tat-tat Rat-tat-tat RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!What the heck is that? I thought. The...
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Log On Another Day (I Have No Internet – Part 1)
The following takes place between 6 a.m. and 7 a.m.I am up at my work computer earlier than usual. I have much to do and a lunch meeting planned, so I want to get a fast start on the workday. I click...
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Even Jack Bauer Couldn’t Restore My Internet (Log On Another Day, Part 2)
In Part 1, my Internet was down as I started my work day at my home office. This caused a series of unfortunate events. I detailed, by the hour, my struggle to log on. Now in Part 2, I have just called...
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A Phoenix (not Arizona) Experience
Note: This is a very rare “serious” Ake’s Pains. Occasionally I use this blog to share personal experiences that I hope will help others in their life journey) A year ago, I was so bewildered. I had a...
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Bad Team Names That Will Turn Your Skin Red
People seem to be getting all upset about the names of some professional sports teams. Now remember what sports really are: A group of people (called a team), throw, kick, strike or carry, an object...
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My Team Is Red, But Not Very Hot
I have been a life-long fan of the Cleveland Indians. From the time I was old enough to understand baseball, I have cheered for The Tribe. Much of the summers of my youth were spent following their...
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Father of the Bride (The Wedding Chronicles – Part 1)
From the moment you first hold your infant daughter, you take on a set of very important responsibilities of which you are totally unprepared for. Raising daughters is often like driving an old truck...
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A Dysfunctional Dancing Machine (The Wedding Chronicles - Part 2)
The Father of the Bride (FOB) has more responsibilities than just paying for the wedding. For me, the most daunting of these responsibilities was the father-daughter wedding dance. I have never been...
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Who'll Stop The Rain? (The Wedding Chronicles - Part 3)
My daughter chose a beautiful facility to have the wedding (which of course I paid for). The ceremony was to take place on a gazebo in the center of a man-made lake with the guests seated on shore.Did...
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Things You Should Not Do At A Wedding (The Wedding Chronicles – Part 4)
We Are Family?In the receiving line I met some of the groom’s family who were visiting from the Ukraine. They were all smiling and happy until I enthusiastically proclaimed to them that my wife’s...
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Reflections From A Beach I Love
(Warning: This is another rare “serious” Ake’s Pains. Normal programming will resume soon)As soon as my feet hit the sand early Sunday morning, I immediately felt rejuvenated. The beach beckoned to me....
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Jennifer Lawrence’s Photos Do Not Include Me
In response to media reports regarding the hacked and subsequently leaked nude photos and videos of Jennifer Lawrence, it is the appropriate time for me to issue an official statement.Despite what is...
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We Are Family – I Guess
This blog post is unique because it is the first time someone has actually requested that I blog about them. People usually do not want me to blog about them (even if I give them a pseudonym) and my...
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Dancing On The Grave Of A Dead Dog
My neighbor Numbnuts had a huge, mean, dog that would attempt to kill me when I did my frequent exercise walks. The dog is a mix-breed, a combination of Rottweiler and bear. It would growl and lunge...
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The Grass Cannot Be Greener On The Other Side
I can remember back when I thought people who used lawn treatment services were idiots. I mean who would actually pay someone to fertilize their yard when it was so easy to do yourself? Spending gobs...
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You Will Not Be Offended By My 100th Post
This post marks the 100th edition of Ake’s Pains (if we don’t count the three “serious” posts). The blog debuted in May 2011 and I can’t believe the number of readers it has and the number of hits it...
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Kim’s Bum Is A Master Piece
Of course I was very concerned last week when I read Kim Kardashian was threatening to “Break the Internet”. You know how much I hate Kim Kardashian and you also know how much I love the Internet, so...
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