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Ode To A Broken Rake
My yard lay buried beneath autumn’s final furyCovered in leaves, mountains of leavesThe tundra gasping and choking for oxygenAnd this was not even of my makingThe dreaded giant oak next door had rained...
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A Christmas Letter To Brag About
As we enter that special holiday time, one of the joys of the season is receiving those humble Christmas brag letters. Well-meaning people send these to spread Christmas cheer by raving about their...
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A Memorable New Year’s Resolution
I actually made a New Year’s resolution for 2014. I think this concept is futile because you usually break your vow within a month and once broken this can actually give you license to totally ignore...
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A Holiday Shopping Wonderland
I made my annual trip to the mall this Christmas. We think we are very sophisticated, complex, beings but play some Christmas carols (audio stimulus) and shine some Christmas lights (visual stimulus)...
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Eating Miraculous Rice Cakes
On January 8 I ate my first rice cake since the annual holiday eating binge began in mid-December. Before my first bite, I stared at it in wonder realizing what I needed it to do. I was expecting...
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This Super Bowl Match Up Is Deflating
I have a big dilemma on what team to cheer for in this year’s Super Bowl.I do not like the Seattle Seahawks….They have a snooty, arrogant, coach and he has produced a snooty, arrogant, team....
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Wiping Away This Super Bowl Memory
Well, the big game is over and it produced the crappiest play in Super Bowl history. And I’m not talking about passing the ball from the 1-yard line either. No, the play in question is Seahawk receiver...
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Science Says: Make Me A Sammich
Every day, all across this great land, men make a familiar demand:“Hey woman, make me a sammich!”And most often their woman replies:“Get off your a$$ and make your own damn sandwich!”This dialogue...
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This Post Is A Pile Of Dog Crap
A strange set of circumstances led to an unfortunate incident at my house last week. My wife was home sick with a nasty virus, I had an early breakfast meeting, and the temperature that morning was a...
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There Is Something Fishy About Lent
Many people always eat fish on Friday for Lent. A friend told me he does this to be pious. Well I want to be pious too. I want more pious than average. I want to be the epitome of piousness. So if...
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My Appetite For Appetizers Is Insatiable
Recently there were two social meetings I wanted to attend that were scheduled on the same evening. Because the venues were only a few miles apart and the meetings overlapped, I decided to attend...
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Don’s Excellent (Business) Adventure
It is best when business trips are uneventful. Of course you want the “business” part to be successful, but you want the “trip” part to be boring.Unfortunately, my recent trip to a trade show in...
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I Now Have the iPhone, the iPhone6
I have a major announcement to make: I now have the iPhone, the iPhone6.I know this comes as a shock to everyone, especially to those of you owning the iPhones 1,2,3, 4, or 5, since I just moved ahead...
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The Many Benefits of the iPhone6 (iPhone Part 2)
My new iPhone, the iPhone6 (last time for this designation, even I am tired of it), has tons of features which I will now highlight for those of you who don’t own one, which come to think of it, is...
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I Am The Top Wingman In The NBA
On Monday evening I noticed that my friend Bob had just left a voice mail message on my iPhone, the iPhone6. I hadn’t talked to Bob in months and it was too early in the evening to just chat, so I...
View ArticleSummertime Changes For Ake’s Pains
Dear readers,I have two major announcements regarding Ake’s Pains blog:1. I am currently working diligently to complete my first book: Ake’s Pain’s – Just Make Me A Sammich (tentative title). The...
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Never, Ever, Mess With A Woman’s Closet (RUU)
Raw, Uncut, Unhinged #1Promotional Headline Seen on the Internet: On the latest episode of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”, Kayne West cleans out Kim’s closet.This is the most dangerous thing they...
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This Does Not Hold Me Spellbound (RUU)
News Item: The 2015 Scripps National Spelling Bee ends in a tieAre we really supposed to pretend to be interested in this? This is a competition for nerds with no athletic ability whatsoever. Is it...
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Just Say No To Going Commando (RUU)
Cottonelle has introduced a new bathroom tissue with unique ripples which promises a cleaner and more confident “wiping” experience. So clean and confident, that an Internet commercial encourages...
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Might As Well Face It, I’m Addicted To “Cap”
I got a work email just before midnight one Monday informing me that Tuesday’s morning staff meeting had been changed to 9 a.m., 30 minutes earlier than normal. While this was short notice, I work...
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